Have you heard the sound
of the agents’ voices
ringing out with charges
ringing out so clear?

Have you seen the blades
shining oh so brightly
as a grim warning
the PPC is here?

Have you heard the news
that they bring from HQ
to the brainwashed canons
who have waited long?

Bad slash, oh, in excess! We kill it!
Bad slash, woe, in excess! We kill it!
Hear the agents sing their joyful song

They have come with bows
and will send off arrows
like a gentle snowfall
in the gentle night

They have come with rage
and one single purpose
to drive out the wraiths
and all the Sues to smite

They have come with love
for the words of canon
And of goodfics, fanart
and a fandom true

Suefics, oh, in excess! We kill them!
Suefics, woe, in excess! We kill them!
Hear the agents singing "Slay that Sue"

They will bring new light
to the worlds in darkness
bringing all replacements
quick deaths from above

They will bring new hope
to the waiting canons
when they quote the words
with purity and love

Let the worlds rejoice
at the agents’ coming
Let the Flowers join in
with the joyful verse

Bad AUs, in excess! We kill them!
Bad AUs, in excess! We kill them!
Hear the agents singing "End the curse"