IMPORTANT - This does not belong to me!

Before you go on, please understand that I had no part in what you are about to experience. "Mary Sue: The Musical" is the work of Holly Toadstool, who was partly inspired by GMonkey's Sparklypoo comic. All I'm doing here is presenting the lyrics as I hear them for general posterity. I love the comic and the song. So you can have as much fun with them as I, please do the following before you read:

Exchange student, that is moi
I come from America
I am Harry's long-lost twin
I got the same scar as him.
Draco is my lover
As well as many others
Professor Snape adores me
I take early morning tea.

Chorus:
What can you do, Mary Sue?
I'm Mary Sue in Sparklypoo
My stories rule, says you
I am so cool; please sing on cue:
My pupils are a bit dilated
I am underestimated
You all know that I'm so good
And I'm just misunderstood.

She's never gonna shut up
Her stories are just real crap
She keeps saying she's on top
Jesus Christ, just make her stop.

Trelawney could clearly see
There are hidden powers in me
Voldemort wants me on his side
When Ron sees me, he'll try to hide.
Hermione is my bestest friend
When I have a note to send
I use Snowflake — that's my pet
Silken sheets are on my bed.

Chorus

My godfather, Sirius
Is a bit delirious
I have an animagi form
As a flying unicorn.
How I love the color pink
I have an expensive shrink
Some kids think that I'm a dork
Oh my God, is that a spork?!

Chorus

Musical tap-dancing interlude

My pupils are a bit dilated
I am underestimated
You all know that I'm so good
And I'm just misunderstood.

She's never gonna shut up
Her stories are just real crap
She keeps saying she's on top
Jesus Christ, just make her stop!