Agents, look out, the console beeps
No time for eating, relaxing, or sleep
Make your blades ready as you're able
Get your drunk partner from under the table
Agents, look out, there's Hell to pay
Sparkly Sue is on the way.

Doctor, oh, Doctor, though you're strong
You'll be a wuss before too long!
Someone is coming to replace you
Coming to upstage and to deface you
Agents, look sharp, and seize the day
Time Lord Sue is on the way.

Gimli, beware! Evil is nigh
Flashing too much breast and thigh
Even in hour when Ring is woken
Aragorn's manly libido she's strokin'
Agents, mount up, into the fray!
Sex-fiend Sue is on the way.

Vimes, keep the Watch watching your back
Hogswatch night's no time to slack!
There is a lady at Death's portal
And we aim to find out if she's mortal
Agents, attack without delay
Godlike Sue is on the way.

Agents, the canon needs our aid
And we can't stop for holidays
String up some tinsel in a hurry
(Good for garrotting a sparkling houri)
Agents, look out, this Christmas Day
Much more work is on the way.