The Maia, Melkor's spawn, from the pit came,
His form as shadow black, his eyes as flame;
His whip of fire and sword of steel he carries,
The Balrog, Durin's Bane, in Moria!

A Mary Sue the Fellowship did join,
And Frodo's spotlight swiftly did purloin;
Two agents killed her dead before she e'er did see
The Balrog, Durin's Bane, in Moria!

The agents on their mission scratched their heads:
"What can we do with Mary Sue now that she's dead?"
"I know the thing for her," the senior agent crowed:
"The Balrog, Durin's Bane, in Moria!"

Now when the Mary Sues in Arda be,
They're all assassinated by the PPC;
And where do all the sparkly, urple bodies go?
The Balrog, Durin's Bane, in Moria!