O come, all ye agents,
Gleeful and psychotic,
O come ye, O come ye to Rivendell.
Come and behold her, born the Queen of Arda;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

O charge, dear assassins,
Charge in exultation,
Charge her that tramples on Tolkien’s holy word.
Give to the guilty no trial or quarter;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

Lo! see the Balrog,
Durin’s Bane approaches,
O Sue! stand and greet thy doom; do not dare to run.
Hail to the canon, now slowly restoring;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.