4. Untitled by unknown author

After Legolas is nearly killed by an assassin, Thranduil hires a halfElf to protect his son. She is more skilled than any killer, but as the clues surrounding the attack are slowly deciphered, Thranduil realizes Legolas's death is the least of his worries

"Nume, you idiot!" Agent Cameo walloped her partner resoundingly about the head with her longbow.

Supernumerary, currently equipped with sensitive elven ears, flinched as he was struck. Normally he wouldn't have taken this kind of abuse from her, but for the moment he only glowered reproachfully and made sure he wasn't bleeding much.

"Next time," Cameo raged, "you stick to your little black book and leave the shooting to me. Getting fed to the Venus Flytrap for letting my partner shish kebab canons is not favorite, got it? How'd you even get into assassination, anyway, can't even shoot straight, poor elf...."

She descended into incoherent croonings aimed mostly at Legolas, who was currently lying across his father's lap staring uncomprehendingly at the black-feathered arrow recently pulled from his shoulder. Thranduil glared at the agents with murder in his eyes whilst Supernumerary's intended target peered haughtily down her nose at them.

"You see how you need me, my Lord?" the Sue simpered at Thranduil, then struck Dramatic Pose #36. "Anything could happen if I can't stay always by Legolas' side!"

"Yes, yes," muttered Thranduil. "HalfElf though you may be, I shall allow you to prove your worth. You may begin by removing this filth from my halls!"

The Sue grinned and stepped toward the agents, drawing twin rapiers as she did. "As you will see, I am more skilled than any killer—!" Unfortunately, she slipped on one of the many clues littering the scene (they waddled around in circles and attempted to decipher one another), and cracked her head on the stone floor. She might have recovered, but Cameo wasted no time in slitting her throat.

"Stupid bitch," she muttered, then turned an approving look on Thranduil. "Way to go, sire."

The King of Mirkwood—who had known exactly what was going on the instant the agents appeared, having more experience with the PPC than most—smiled icily. "Get out of my halls before I forget all that I owe you."

Cameo sighed not-quite-regretfully as she pulled out a pair of orange sunglasses and a silvery device about the size and shape of a nice ink pen. Supernumerary glanced at her, groaned, and turned away.

"Not in that order, sire," said Cameo.