We've got so many missions here!
There's just so much to do!
How did we get another ere
We'd slain Belle Baggins? No clue!
And now that Shelob's dined upon
The latest Gary Stu,
Tumnus has a CD player now!
Please tell me that's not true!

Set disguises, and go in!
(Beep! Go! Track! Charge! Slay! Repeat!)
Set the universe on track once again!
(Track! Charge! Slay! Again!)
Set that computerized tech alight!
Neuralyze everyone in sight!
Then we come back here,
To find that Fangorn Forest has disappeared!

So when the Ents got their home back,
What we get is so rare:
To our great delight and joy, we
Actually get time to spare!
We helped an Ewok Pyro for
Light Festival prepare.
Then we get a mission once again,
It never ends, I swear!

Now a Gimli lemon we
(Track! Charge! Ex-or-cise! Repeat!)
Have that wrecks all sane biology!
(Charge Sue! Slay! Again!)
Worse than Morsimos' satyr plays
Was this lemon we were sent to slay!
Back in the RC,
We took Bleeprin for our sanity.

All five of these eliminations
Filled sixteen hours.
We must have recuperation.
To sleeping stations!

All too soon, the console sends
Us a mission dire again.
And we've only got three hours' sleep; it never ends!
AAH!

We portal to Imladris now;
She sparkles? Yes; I fear
A Twilight vampire pays a call
To fall in love with Elrohir
Forgotten are Thuringwethil,
And Carcharoth. Oh dear;
She would join the Fellowship; we portal
Her straight into Anor's photosphere.

One more Sue! At the RC
(Beep! Go! Track! Charge! Slay! Repeat!)
We're another mission sent, and we see
(Track! Charge! Slay! Again!)
That a stalker Gary Stu, it seems,
Is messing now with Éowyn's dreams!
Be repulsed—No, she ditches Faramir!
'Tis time now for the Stu to disappear!
Charge him! Slay him! Memories erase!
Then we go back and—You do not mess with Ace!