Come one, come all, PPC, it's time for Chanukah
First we'll bless, then we'll light, then we'll eat latkas^[1]
Oh no, there goes the console, oy, vey is mir,^[2] why, why
Curse th'SO, fine, we'll go off to see canons cry!

Second night, this one's right, joy is everywhere
Bless, now light, get it right, two candles for the prayer
Dreidels^[3] first, then the food, but there goes that BEEEP!
How's this right?! Oh, well, we'll fight—we'll be here all week!

Third night's here, full of cheer, light those candles quick
If you still light olive oil, don't forget the wick
No you can't make it from Sue's hair what is wrong with you
Burns too fast, this should last, and leave no glitter too

Fourth night comes, halfway done, missions won't you stop
This has to be against some rule—come on, it's a chag!!^[4]
This holiday is meant to be the festival of lights:
DOGA jobs don't count for that! Don't we have some rights?

Tonight's the fifth, we won't quit, we talked to Upstairs
That frustrated us so we nearly pulled out hairs
It's a shame we can't sue, but is it much to ask?
Give us a modern miracle—an evening with no tasks!

Sixth night comes, we'll have some fun, just—no one sit down
Comfort makes the console beep, and we're tired of running 'round
Chanukah, here we go, chocolate coins galore
Gifts for kids—oh no, don't sit—we can't take any more!

Seventh night shines so bright. What did we do this year?
Barely months since Yom Kippur,^[5] how is this happening?
Yes, we know, the rhyme is gone, but we are falling over
Between missions and holiday things—at least it's almost done!

[Pause/musical interlude]

... Eighth night. We can't believe our eyes—finally... it's calm
So much love, all this light, sufgan'yot^[6] almost gone
Gather 'round, sing those songs, hug your family
Give out gifts, dance a bit and retell that story!

[go off dancing to the singing of "Chanukah, Chanukah"^[7]]:

Chanukah, Chanukah, chag yafe kol kach
Or chaviv misaviv, gil le'yeled rach
Chanukah, Chanukah, sevivon sov sov
Sov na sov, sov na sov, ma na'im va'tov!

Some (mostly) Hebrew translations:

1. latkas: potato pancakes. Delicious.
2. oy, vey is mir: Yiddish for 'oh woe is me'. Much more common than 'woe is me' these days, though. Very often shortened to just 'oy' or 'oy vey'.
3. dreidel: a spinning top unique to Chanukah.
4. chag: holiday.
5. Yom Kippur: Day of Atonement, where the sins of the previous year are forgiven. Happens around October, hence the lament of 'what could we have already done to deserve this?!'
6. sufganiot: jelly donuts. Delicious. Not always jelly these days, which is an amazing development.
7. Translation from aish.com:
   
   Chanukah is a great holiday.
   Surrounded with lovely light.
   Fun for little children.
   Dreidel, spin, spin, spin.
   How wonderful!