What's this? What's this?
There's Suethors everywhere
What's this?
There's Slashfic in the air
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up from this fic nightmare—
What's this?

What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
These Sues are singing songs

What's this?
The streets are lined with
Uncanon couples banging
Everybody seems so happy
Has the entire world gone daffy?
What is this?
What's this?

There's characters from crossed over
continua, I fear
They're busy wrecking canon
And none of them can care

There's the Doctor kissing Malfoy
Oh, I can't believe my eyes
Did Legolas just wed that Sue?
Did Boromir survive?

Oh, look
What's this?
They're throwing a Yule Ball, (Again?)
For the sake of bad romance! (Of course.)
They're gathering around to hear a story
How Harry became pregnant
What's this?

What's this?
Torchwood's been crossed with MLP, how queer
And who would ever think
And why?

They're ruining it with self-insert Mary Sues
They've got uncanon couples here
And there's a smile on everyone
So, now, correct me if I'm wrong
This looks like fun
This looks like fun
Oh, could it be I got my wish?
What's this?

Oh my, what now?
I could write one myself
But look, no inspiration here
Oh well, don't care at all so time to fake it
Or plagiarize, only little tiny things
No-one would notice or care...

What's this?

The canons are all missing
And the Suethors can't be found
And in their place it seems as though
Nothing but trolls abound

Instead of love, I swear
I can hear screaming in the air
The smell of blood and death
are absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds
They're everywhere and all around
I've never felt this good before
I revel in the hatred and the flames of angered fans
I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it
Oh, I want it for my own
I've got to know
I've got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?