This year has been a little crazy for the agents here.
You may recall the 'fic explosion last year.
The Board of Flowers have us doing missions double-time.
That hasn't undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it's almost Christmas by the mistletoe abuse.
It's still our favorite time of year.

Merry Christmas from PPC HQ,
Where we're killing Mary Sues for our floral overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant directors.
Merry Christmas from PPC HQ.

In every fanfic there's a pair of DoI agents,
who watches over it with shaking red pens.
They write up charges and decide if the fic's bad or good.
Well, maybe more'd be good if everyone tried.
But the halls outside DMS exude shimmery glitter snow.
It's like a winter wonderland.

Merry Christmas from PPC HQ,
Where we're killing Mary Sues for our floral overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant directors.
Merry Christmas from PPC HQ.

That's all the local news that we're allowed to talk about.
We really hope you'll ask us to visit soon.
I mean we're literally begging you to invite us.
And make it quick before the they — [BEEEEEEEEP]. (Ah, dang it.)
Well, we've got another mission — another Gary Stu must die!
You know we love their emo speech!

Merry Christmas from PPC HQ,
Where we're killing Mary Sues for our floral overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant directors.
Merry Christmas from PPC HQ.