[Random Agent]
Each clicking key used to fill us with glee
And the words that they made were all thrilling us;
Now all we feel is a loss of our zeal
Because bad fanfics are killing us!

Each new badfic makes us ever more sick —
All these Suethors and fanbrats are drilling us!
Celebrian's name may never sound the same
Because bad fanfics are killing us!

[Spirit of Optimism]
But don't lose hope! There's still goodfic in the thick of it!
True fans still exist who write better than all right!

[Random Agent]
I can't tell — there's too much swill, and it makes me ill!
How can I stay upbeat with shaved Hobbit feet?!

Each new update used to make us feel great,
'Til we'd glow with the happiness filling us;
Now ev'ry ping is a reason to scream
Because bad fanfics are killing us!

Each misspelled word just makes things more absurd,
'Til our Bleeprin is all that is filling us.
Eyes start to bleed with each line that we read
Because bad fanfics are killing us!

[Spirit of Optimism]
But not ev'ry fan's a cuckoo who gives Kael'thas boobs!
Some write very well — trust me! I know what I've seen!

[Random Agent]
My soul dies with each new Sue, ev'ry canon-screw;
My sanity breaks more with each vampire whore!

Each laugh like bells makes us all feel unwell,
And though they think they're swell, they put canons through hell!
Take a look; you can tell all our IQs just fell!

Because bad fanfics are killing us!
Killing us!
These badfics are killing us!