Kill Off the Mary Sue
Tune:"Kidnap the Sandy Claws" by Danny Elfman

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
Execute the Mary Sue

I wanna do it

You got the Stu

We can kill the Sue together

All at once

Agents in leather

We're out to get her

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
La, la, la, la, la

Kill off the Mary Sue, stab her with a knife
Twist it once or twice and then
watch her lose her life

First we're going to smack her hard
but that will only be the start
We will keep on doing it 'til
she can see both moon and stars

Wait! I've got a better plan
To kill this thief of Arwen's man
We'll throw her in the Cracks of Doom
Orodruin will be her tomb

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
Kill off the Mary Sue
Kick her in the head
Chop her with an axe
and just repeat until she's dead

Then the Floating Hyacinth

[James & Saxo]
Will really have to take the hint
She'll be so pleased, she'll have to say

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
That we can take a holiday

I say we should use the Balrog
Put her at its door
and then, call for it until it shows up
Mary Sue will be no more

You're so stupid, think now
We will have to read the charges first
Otherwise it's simple murder

[James & Saxo]
And the free time bubble bursts

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
Kill off the Mary Sue
Drown her in a swamp
Midgewater will do just fine
It's so cold and damp

[Mittens & Saxo]
Because wangst and OOCness will really make us frown
If I were on an agent's list, I'd get out of town

Then to the cafeteria, yay

To get the special of the day

[James & Mittens]
Perhaps they'll have their special brew

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
Of snake and spider stew

We're the Flowers' henchmen
And we do our jobs with pride
We do our best to please them
And stay on their good side

I wish my brain weren't getting numb

This fic is awful

It's so dumb

Kill it!

Will do

I've thought of something, pay attention
This one could really work, I'm sure
We just need something really cute
That we can use as bait to lure

The Sue away from Aragorn
And into Mirkwood on a tour

[Mittens, James & Saxo]
And with the help of giant spiders
Then her death we
will ensure

Kill off the Mary Sue, beat her with a stick
Thrown her out from Orthanc, she will fall just like a brick

Kill off the Mary Sue, Shelob wants a snack
Get behind her with a club, give her a good whack

Kill off the Mary Sue, she's not Strider's wife
We'll think of the perfect way to make short her life