It was Christmas Eve, babe
On the hillside
An agent said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
"How to Kill Sues"
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

I was a lucky one
I played my cards right
I've got a feeling
My luck’s just run out
So Happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
But not without you

I’ve got eyes big as pies
You’ve got rivers of gold
And I get what I want
There’s no place for the old
When I first took you, love
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Mirkwood was waiting for me

You were handsome
I was pretty
Queen of Mirkwood City
When I finished singing
They howled out for more
Thranduil was swinging
And the Fellowship were singing
We kissed at the castle
Then loved through the night

The boys of the old Mirkwood choir
Were singing "Born This Way"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas Day

You're a fool, I’m a punk
You know nothing of funk
Standing there with eyes glazed, so totally fazed
You scumbag, you traitor
I’ll not see you later
For Christmas is past,
And I know it’s my last

The boys of the old Mirkwood choir
Aren’t singing "Born This Way"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas Day

I know I was someone
And not just anyone
I knew my dreams complete
When I first found you
I want to see them on
I want to have you back
I don’t want to die
But this agent says I must

The agents of the PPC
Now singing "kill the Sue"
And babe, there's no more time
For me and you