What Teen Is This?
Tune:"Greensleeves" / "What Child Is This?" (trad. English)

What teen is this, whom Suethor wrote,
On Legolas' lap is weeping?
Whom hobbits greet with anthems sweet
While agents watch are keeping?

This, this is a Mary Sue
Whom hobbits love and elf-boys woo
Haste, haste to kill her now
This monster, this Sue called Mary

Why lies she in fair Rivendell
Where Council now is meeting?
Good fandom, fear, the Sue is near
She's messed up all the seating.

Sword, bow will pierce her through
The PPC will slay the Sue.
Hail, hail the agents bold
They've killed this Sue called Mary

So bring them Bleeprin and a towel
To wipe off all the glitter
Let no Sues sing in Lord of Rings
If she comes, we will hit her.

Raise, raise a cheer for you
Let joy ring over all HQ
Joy, joy, the Sue is dead
That dreadful Sue called Mary.