You're a mean one, Mary Sue.
You really are a b*tch.
You made Legolas a teenager,
You've outdueled Aragorn,
Mary Sue.

You're so damn perfect that
You give me a twitch.

You're a monster, Mary Sue.
You’ve screwed the canon up.
Your brain is nonexistent,
And you scream of Sparklipoo,
Mary Sue.

You can't even touch canon with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mary Sue.
You employ much urple prose.
You have all the sappy sweetness
of a giant sugar pill,
Mary Sue.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the giant sugar pill.

You're a foul one, Mary Sue.
You're a nasty, wasty slut.
You've messed up the numerology,
And you’ve bedded many males,
Mary Sue.

The three words that best describe your fic are as follows, and I quote:
"Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a harlot, Mary Sue.
You're the queen of badfic plots.
You’re a walking plothole factory,
using deus-ex-machina,
Mary Sue.

Your fic is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mary Sue.
With a nauseous super-naus.
I’ve now run out of my Bleeprin
Reading 'bout your sparkly horse.
Mary Sue.

You're a physically over-perfect canon mangler
With glittery blood.