Please, Uncle,* do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave
Please, Uncle, do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave

Just last year I'd never had a Christmas
And I was fascinated, you could see
But you came home and caught me in your bedroom
Ripping up your lovely Christmas tree

Please, Uncle, do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave
Please, Uncle, do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave

Sometimes you come home all mussed up and swearing
Drinking something that begins with "Bleep,"
And Brother and I notice when you drink it
Very soon you always fall asleep

Please, Uncle, do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave
Please, Uncle, do get drunk this Christmas
I don't want you to see me misbehave

* Change out "Uncle" for "Auntie" or whatever as necessary. Written with Molly Rath in mind, but could be any of the more troublesome nursery kids.