The Night Before Christmas in HQ
Tune:"The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, arr. Ken Darby and Harry Simeone

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through HQ,
Urple holiday fluff-fics filled everyone's queue.
The agents were sent on their missions by pair,
Without hope that any directors would care.

While Mary Sues died upon swift arrow-heads,
Assassins despairéd of sleeping in beds.
Bad Slashers took buddies from each other's lap
And stoic Floaters put up with all manner of crap.

In PPC HQ, no holidays matter,
Except for the sugary Suethorish chatter.
Mistletoe's just an excuse for bad slash,
And lights, snow, and gifts come in colors that clash.

But down in the Nurs'ry little faces still glow
As a hope and a dream unabated doth grow.
The children of HQ believe still in cheer,
Even more so this even as Christmas draws near.

Though born most of Mpreg and rapefic and squick,
Even so all the little ones dream of St. Nick.
Father Christmas, or Santa, whatever the name,
On this night the glad man in red really came!

Or someone, at least, to the little ones' den
Came dressed all as red as an editor's pen.
His face was unbearded, he was wiry and tall,
And perhaps might have wished not to be there at all.

And yet on his thin lips a smile he did try,
And a glimmer of kindness appeared in his eye.
"Now, Spencer, now Andy, and Galeya, too,
And Marsha, and Henry, and Molly: for you!"

As he named them they gathered and looked for the proof
That this stranger was more than a holiday spoof.
When out from behind him came carefully 'round
The strangest of reindeer that e'er could be found.

His fur was all blue from his head to his foot,
And eye-stalks not horns on his head had their root.
Two sacks full of toys he had slung on his back,
And nervous he looked as St. Nick did unpack.

But the toys from within made the children all merry;
Their blue deer forgave they for being so wary.
Their gratitude ample their faces did show,
And lit all the Nurs'ry about with a glow.

After all the first gifts did the odd pair bequeath,
The Christmas Tree left they the others beneath.
The wrappings were pine-green or bright red like jelly,
And the ribbons were latticed like snowflake cancelli.

The makeshift reindeer and his would-be red elf
Left each of the children to his- or herself.
"Merry Christmas; goodbye, now," their Santa Claus said,
And off through the hallways of Headquarters sped.

Soon after, in FicPsych, not spared from her work,
Jenni Robinson greeted the two with a smirk.
"It went off as plannéd, though not as I chose,"
Supernumer'ry said with an eyebrow that rose.

"His holiday spirit is truly abyssal,"
said Jenni to Ilraen, with a smile of dismissal.
"But never you mind that—you two did just right,
Bringing Christmas to all HQ's children tonight!"