Sod rest ye merry, brethren,
All Flow'rs of sentient race,
And with a cause of common good
The plotholes now embrace
To save the 'verse from badfic's pow'r
When rent is time and space—

Oh tidings of portal and ploy,
Portal and ploy,
Oh tidings of portal and ploy!

In Headquarters, in Upstairs-realm,
This covenant was made:
When Sunflower and others all
The Makes-Things Man they bade
Turn clever hands to mighty work,
Protectors now to aid—

Oh tidings of portal and ploy,
Portal and ploy,
Oh tidings of portal and ploy!

From Planet Earth, from Ar'El Land,
Two human girls, they came
To Makes-Things' lab by portal erred,
And agents they became:
Into a fic, to kill a Sue,
By mission earned the name—

Refrain

"Fear not, then," said the agents twain,
"Twisteth ye not thy roots,
For from our planet surely ye
May get ye more recruits
To free those canons suffering
As badfic 'verse dilutes—"

Refrain

The Flowers at those tidings
Rejoicèd much in mind,
And on planets both far and near,
Protectors they did find
To join the cause of common good,
The fandom worlds to mind—

Refrain

Then grew the org'nization
Unto proportions vast,
And formèd they departments
With structure built to last,
And so, with Flow'rs and agents all
Together, years they passed—

Refrain

So sing you now great praises,
All you within this place,
And with love and insanity
Each canon now embrace:
Each 'verse belovèd by the pure,
Which others doth deface—

Refrain

Respect the Laws of Narrative,
And send them long to reign,
And many a happy goodfic may
You live to see again
Among the Flow'rs and agents
Who've not yet gone insane—

Someone bless you and send you a happy new year,
Happy new year,
Someone send you a happy new year.