Mary Sues lusting after Legolas
Assassins skewering them all
Long charge lists being jotted hurriedly
And canon screwed up beyond belief.

Everybody knows Orlando Bloom and a blonde wig
Are not what make a canon Elf.
But see Elijah Wood with his eyes oh so blue
And soon you'll fantasize, yourself.

We know the PPC are on their way
To these very bad fics, more Mary Sues to slay
And every bit character is gonna stay
To see if they can be recruited (rather 'may')

So I'm offering bottles o' Bleeprin
To able-bodied agents everywhere
Although your paychecks have been delayed for so long
Take this payment (take this payment)
Take this payment—it's fair.